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I am currently able to release some of my depression but for now I will be taking a vote;Should I upload my original art[as in my own story art]??
Temp Update:I am personally conflicted with sharing my characters up on deviantart I am paranoid about art theft.Does anyone have suggestions.[As for my current status;I am somewhat alright as of now]
I am personally sorry,to everyone.Im up writing this and am only two days from my senior year but.I had made the decision that on the day of my graduation,starting from today.I....will eventually decide to end my life on the exact day that I may graduate.I can no longer stand this misery and self abuse,my own body has been suffering from my stress and my conditions mentally are not helping.A lot of people gave me support but,...I can't do it.This life of an artist is a blessing and a curse.I cannot stand this shit anymore and its destroying me.How do people even create art this way if it's all tracing this or copying that.I cannot find a way to express myself and thats ultimately the one thing I feel that is tying me down and will not let me go.

To start let me tell you why,I am 17 this year I had been on DA for quite awhile done some commissions for people.I was aspiring to become a comic artist and had written a series of story starting at a very young age,up until this year I struggled hard and im sure other artists were in the same boat.Up until now,I was pretty happy until this whole thing about art plaigurism and tracing and all that.As i read articles after articles I was discouraged further, This is where the problem started.I was confused on the grey area of poses,how to use them,and in fact I was so genuinely determined to produce my own story line and characters,which worked all the way up till now.One character I realized which I didn't until I read an anime wikia page although I didn't watch the anime I saw pictures and I checked the girl out.She shared the same hairstyle,and only similar traits are the split personality and the whole I want to die cliche but I knew he characters were different,so why am I so upset?Well,it has to do with drawing it out.As I read the legality of copyright I was sure I wasn't doing anything over the line until it comes to the whole tracing and plagiarizing section.I wanted to use the pose but I tried to rework some of my own style into my characters and I even drew every weapon and magic circle with my own imagination.I thought maybe If i don't look at the pictures and use my own head and body maybe It would be a bit different.My struggles caused me to be extremely stressed under this condition.Still I want to use the same cliche poses the generic,standing in explosion or smirk expressions.BUT i don't know how it fits with the legal terms.Am I somehow ripping off of something when there's about 12 more pictures that have the same expression or pose?I don't know one thing about this I don't understand is.So you're expecting me not to draw anything because technically almost every pose and expressions is used in so many generic ways in manga it's impossible to suddenly invent a new one.I can draw them hugging in one way but bam suddenly I find another one with the same pose and now I'm liable for charges for infrigment. I can't handle this,I want to get my story out there,through my creativity at least I want somebody who is able to clearly tell me what I am doing.Is it cliche or am I doing something wrong. My own family doesn't help me with this,my personal therapist doesn't think it's a big deal but considering my expression and my whole dream rests on my books.I can't imagine not being able to draw for a day or think of something and type out my stories and sharing it.I can't imagine writing a light novel of it and not drawing it out.But with the threat of being sued and getting jail time,its always that dark corner that says "well,just don't draw then".I don't want that I rather die than wanting to give up my dream and living with loneliness and emptiness.To everyone who knows me,I don't want to die,I want to get my story out there,I don't want to suffer to be sued for so many millions just for a couple expressions or poses that I do in my own style.But I have a sense to tonight,It might not happen.Alternatively I might make it to the storywriting for film industry but thats not truly what I want.

Imagine somehow being restricted of your ability to do greater.I can't imagine doing anything else with my life,but what can I do?Law is the law.It might be me misunderstanding,but if I had to choose throwing away my story and hardwork,maybe not publishing it and not selling it just to get the story out there and maybe dedicating it to all those who inspired me but still,it's not the same as just trying to do what you like to do in life.I know morally what is right or wrong,im not advocating for tracing or copying because i'm the one who's still unclear what it is still.But to pull a few facts,even some professionals were caught or at least rumored to be and to think that they are sucessful yet they suddenly lose their license...it frightens me.I'm discouraged basically almost crying myself to sleep,stressed and almost self neglecting.I can't take it.....it's like...oh hey I drew things out of my head....send manuscript and after it's published[if it ever happens] bam,hey you sort of have a similar pose and this looks sort of  traced with the hands,feet,face expression so i'm going to sue you for millions of dollars you can't afford and land you in jail.Serves you right. That vision horrifies me.And now I am stuck,do I continue to draw or should I just stop.I can't do either.....The only way out is out of it all.I can't live my dream I'm practically dead inside,what else is there to me?No one knows my struggles,what I have been through hell these past few days I have constant stomach pain,inability to sleep,and loss of appetite.I had been sicker than I was before.This hell of despair is a parasite and I can't live with it.To be honest ,I saw the cases of the whole plaigurism scandel with the bleach manga and to be honest I thought it was a pretty accurate case.But I don't know anymore.I love my story,my characters,I spent my own time and effort to make them my own,spent the time to come up with their design and have not used many pictures at all for references[except for how hairstyle works] .Day by day I spent my dedication pouring my own heart into this story and now I'm so afraid,how this story is going to play out on paper,the poses,the whole scenario I just.I have not even seen the anime so how in the hell without pictures that I can even somehow infrigment on others when I havent even explicitly drawn from their pictures.I just drew what was in my head,and from the wooden mannequins I owned to the best of my abilities.But still striking similarities in my eyes.....whatever.After senior year,I'm gone...I don't know how I will go.But I want to end it all so bad.Unless any so called miracles happen which will not.Who can live on with this suffering?Aside from all this,the constant yelling and screaming at my household,my own mental  suffering, the slim chance that I will ever feel happiness from my own expression which is now apparently barred by the laws which I find ironic considering US is about freedom to all?Not really now that I think about it.i don't have a lot of...support.Sure I owe up till now the support of this one friend :iconkuroperson: she's amazing.I wish I didn't have to tell her this,and I don't intend to.Apparently once you decided to kill yourself and let everyone know everyone suddenly wants to stop you.No,not this time.I'm not telling,not until the day comes.I'm sorry everyone.I wish I can continue happily drawing but reality hits me already,how do I imagine to live on.I can imagine a mother grieving but my mother?Last time I pulled this she scoffed and told me to kill myself anyways,it's my life.Well you're right mom.It's my life that's why I'm making my choice.Goodbye~ Kanade Sonya[Real Name; Sunny Zeng]
If I owe anyone an adopt can someone please come forward to this list:
:iconfumieajibana:
:iconheartoffiresoulofice:
:iconalatus-adopts:
:iconmusicallychalanged:
:iconmysticbynd:
Theera-Background Coloring
RheinaGealtash-2 out of three still in sketch
HuginogMunin-
smoochum302-
PiwyLullaby-Start Color
SamithaM
Sai-shou
Ayano27
Updated List
If anyone doesn't know what obsession is ,it's torture and this "obsession anxiety" or whatever the fuck is called is killing me.These past few days I tried to get calmer. I was told not to worry about my comparison of my story but it continues to go on and on and these thoughts are destroying my ability to function and live ,but I can't face up to it.I love my stories to the point where I would die if I somehow could not find a way to get them out there or they are somehow rejected because it's too similar to blah and blah .I'm to the point where I can't eat or sleep and sometimes I'm just wishing God should just end my fucking pain but I want to leave something I want to leave my story to this world yet now I just don't fucking know what to do ,everytime I felt answered something else pops up and I get driven in this merciless cycle of hope and despair,questions of what can I or I can't put and my own desire of just putting what I want to put.Its only a matter of time before I will explode (and its fucking bullshit in California that they would simply toss
You into a institution and fuck you up even more than you were before,life is trapping me in and I just feel that it doesn't want to let me out,and please I heard many people say the same things that it will get better or whatever ,just to be blunt really?unless somehow magically I will wait for these manic thoughts to dissapear and i will be happy and free or maybe I will have the freedom to put whatever I want without someone putting me in jail in the future .To me ,why would I believe it?! I am not waiting I'm the type of person to take or do things fast .I'm not waiting for years to get my work answered .anyways I don't know how much longer am I going
To push myself to just live for the light of one more day but at least till next week I may still have some anticipation
Update:Things haven't been any better,I had been in withdrawal for the last several days.Just triggered by that same anime I always compare to.I just can't take how fucking trapped I am!I try too hard,and I just see no fucking reason to even go beyond high school.With all the fucking reality there is I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN EVEN LEGALLY PUBLISH MY WORK WITHOUT SOME ASSES POSSIBLY GOING TO SUE ME OR WORSE CONDEMN ME.Also considering the hell of having to do all that extra overseas shit just to become a mangaka-I can't think about even going through the rest of my life.I had been institutionalized before,traumatized.And my therapist has been nothing but shit,combined with my ignorant family who cares only about school rather than anything fucking else.I just,fucking ITS TOO MUCH!The fucking pressure is just rendering my mind a mess.I just can't take it,it's like being ironed down and becoming mentally crazy!I'm being fucking tortured daily by this downward spiral that I can't fucking escape.I love my characters and stories and I really don't want to leave them behind but whats the POINT if i can't bring them to life without someone possibly sueing me for poses!Or some other shit.




I am personally sorry,to everyone.Im up writing this and am only two days from my senior year but.I had made the decision that on the day of my graduation,starting from today.I....will eventually decide to end my life on the exact day that I may graduate.I can no longer stand this misery and self abuse,my own body has been suffering from my stress and my conditions mentally are not helping.A lot of people gave me support but,...I can't do it.This life of an artist is a blessing and a curse.I cannot stand this shit anymore and its destroying me.How do people even create art this way if it's all tracing this or copying that.I cannot find a way to express myself and thats ultimately the one thing I feel that is tying me down and will not let me go.

To start let me tell you why,I am 17 this year I had been on DA for quite awhile done some commissions for people.I was aspiring to become a comic artist and had written a series of story starting at a very young age,up until this year I struggled hard and im sure other artists were in the same boat.Up until now,I was pretty happy until this whole thing about art plaigurism and tracing and all that.As i read articles after articles I was discouraged further, This is where the problem started.I was confused on the grey area of poses,how to use them,and in fact I was so genuinely determined to produce my own story line and characters,which worked all the way up till now.One character I realized which I didn't until I read an anime wikia page although I didn't watch the anime I saw pictures and I checked the girl out.She shared the same hairstyle,and only similar traits are the split personality and the whole I want to die cliche but I knew he characters were different,so why am I so upset?Well,it has to do with drawing it out.As I read the legality of copyright I was sure I wasn't doing anything over the line until it comes to the whole tracing and plagiarizing section.I wanted to use the pose but I tried to rework some of my own style into my characters and I even drew every weapon and magic circle with my own imagination.I thought maybe If i don't look at the pictures and use my own head and body maybe It would be a bit different.My struggles caused me to be extremely stressed under this condition.Still I want to use the same cliche poses the generic,standing in explosion or smirk expressions.BUT i don't know how it fits with the legal terms.Am I somehow ripping off of something when there's about 12 more pictures that have the same expression or pose?I don't know one thing about this I don't understand is.So you're expecting me not to draw anything because technically almost every pose and expressions is used in so many generic ways in manga it's impossible to suddenly invent a new one.I can draw them hugging in one way but bam suddenly I find another one with the same pose and now I'm liable for charges for infrigment. I can't handle this,I want to get my story out there,through my creativity at least I want somebody who is able to clearly tell me what I am doing.Is it cliche or am I doing something wrong. My own family doesn't help me with this,my personal therapist doesn't think it's a big deal but considering my expression and my whole dream rests on my books.I can't imagine not being able to draw for a day or think of something and type out my stories and sharing it.I can't imagine writing a light novel of it and not drawing it out.But with the threat of being sued and getting jail time,its always that dark corner that says "well,just don't draw then".I don't want that I rather die than wanting to give up my dream and living with loneliness and emptiness.To everyone who knows me,I don't want to die,I want to get my story out there,I don't want to suffer to be sued for so many millions just for a couple expressions or poses that I do in my own style.But I have a sense to tonight,It might not happen.Alternatively I might make it to the storywriting for film industry but thats not truly what I want.

Imagine somehow being restricted of your ability to do greater.I can't imagine doing anything else with my life,but what can I do?Law is the law.It might be me misunderstanding,but if I had to choose throwing away my story and hardwork,maybe not publishing it and not selling it just to get the story out there and maybe dedicating it to all those who inspired me but still,it's not the same as just trying to do what you like to do in life.I know morally what is right or wrong,im not advocating for tracing or copying because i'm the one who's still unclear what it is still.But to pull a few facts,even some professionals were caught or at least rumored to be and to think that they are sucessful yet they suddenly lose their license...it frightens me.I'm discouraged basically almost crying myself to sleep,stressed and almost self neglecting.I can't take it.....it's like...oh hey I drew things out of my head....send manuscript and after it's published[if it ever happens] bam,hey you sort of have a similar pose and this looks sort of  traced with the hands,feet,face expression so i'm going to sue you for millions of dollars you can't afford and land you in jail.Serves you right. That vision horrifies me.And now I am stuck,do I continue to draw or should I just stop.I can't do either.....The only way out is out of it all.I can't live my dream I'm practically dead inside,what else is there to me?No one knows my struggles,what I have been through hell these past few days I have constant stomach pain,inability to sleep,and loss of appetite.I had been sicker than I was before.This hell of despair is a parasite and I can't live with it.To be honest ,I saw the cases of the whole plaigurism scandel with the bleach manga and to be honest I thought it was a pretty accurate case.But I don't know anymore.I love my story,my characters,I spent my own time and effort to make them my own,spent the time to come up with their design and have not used many pictures at all for references[except for how hairstyle works] .Day by day I spent my dedication pouring my own heart into this story and now I'm so afraid,how this story is going to play out on paper,the poses,the whole scenario I just.I have not even seen the anime so how in the hell without pictures that I can even somehow infrigment on others when I havent even explicitly drawn from their pictures.I just drew what was in my head,and from the wooden mannequins I owned to the best of my abilities.But still striking similarities in my eyes.....whatever.After senior year,I'm gone...I don't know how I will go.But I want to end it all so bad.Unless any so called miracles happen which will not.Who can live on with this suffering?Aside from all this,the constant yelling and screaming at my household,my own mental  suffering, the slim chance that I will ever feel happiness from my own expression which is now apparently barred by the laws which I find ironic considering US is about freedom to all?Not really now that I think about it.i don't have a lot of...support.Sure I owe up till now the support of this one friend :iconkuroperson: she's amazing.I wish I didn't have to tell her this,and I don't intend to.Apparently once you decided to kill yourself and let everyone know everyone suddenly wants to stop you.No,not this time.I'm not telling,not until the day comes.I'm sorry everyone.I wish I can continue happily drawing but reality hits me already,how do I imagine to live on.I can imagine a mother grieving but my mother?Last time I pulled this she scoffed and told me to kill myself anyways,it's my life.Well you're right mom.It's my life that's why I'm making my choice.Goodbye~ Kanade Sonya[Real Name; Sunny Zeng]

Im really sorry[Working on it]

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 6, 2014, 11:32 PM
As you all know I said before that i am active again well,recently I had a major art block unfortunately i had been receiving messages of people asking me about their commissions and unfortunately i cannot draw atm.i AM LITERALLY STUCK! My brain would not help me create a piece that i am satisfied with and after awhile i became frustrated I know I owe a lot of people but it's tough times and I really want to get back to doing commissions.So i aologize.
Update:Working on it expect something soon, FINALLY!

Custom adoptables

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 18, 2013, 4:58 PM
The skin's header goes here


Information:
:bulletorange:Customs will be done  in the order I choose so that the person who requested last wont have to worry about them getting their stuff last.
:bulletorange:This is Adoptables only im sure you can tell by the heading,commishs,requests and all other stuff goes to their respected positions.
:bulletorange:All custom orders will be either comments,note or message DO NOT put any on my prof comments box.
:bulletorange:Adoptables are bought once they are bought they are rightfully their owner's,owners should not resell nor claim work is theres unless you have a special reason and contacted me:).
:bulletorange:If interested please pay whenever you feel like,those who pay immediatly have a better chance but not a garuntee for first come first served.
:bulletorange:I accept POINTS only,as of now I dont have any credit cards or anything since im only 15 :p.
:bulletorange:Details will be in the catalogue there might be some additional charges,but rest assure not that many unless really necessary.
:bulletorange:Prices differ:
Average:20~40* :points:
Catalogue:
:rose: Chibi/Anime
 :bulletblue:Chibi(list gender,race,etc)
 :bulletblue:Anime(list gender,race,etc)
;rose: Coloring/Ink
  :bulletblue:Color
  :bulletblue:Lineart/Ink
:rose: Background/No Background
  If BG
   :bulletblue:Complex
   :bulletblue:Simple
:rose:Outfits(apply theme if any?)
    :bulletblue:Complex(Super detailed,styles,please list your desires of how you want it to turn out)
     :bulletblue:Simple(If simple please not anything that can be added)
      :bulletblue:Moderate
:rose:Hairstyle(Theme?List Colors)
       :bulletblue:Complex
       :bulletblue:Simple
:rose:Eyes(eyes of your choosing if you want)
:rose:Traits.Accesories,etc.
:rose: Color Pallette if desired:
:rose:What the adopt will be holding(weapon,bag,etc.)
:rose:Skin Color,Eye color,etc(N/A for Lineart)
:rose:Any body features(tattoos,etc)
:rose:(listed above)Humaoid,Robotic,ETC(CHOOSE YOUR SPECIES)
:rose:Things to avoid(e.g nudity)
--------------------------------
Feel free to not give me complete info that you dont want,I want freedom for those people,you dont have to pay until AFTER i finish that way YOU dont have to feel cheated.
I will prob post WIPS for the first time due to work load.

The Holidays Are Here!! Requests

Journal Entry: Thu Dec 6, 2012, 10:44 PM


Hi everyone!I got back to school,therefore my mood is hopefully going to return soon so starting from today till the end of this month I will accept Holiday Requests]!.Plus at the same time I will also be posting regular drawings and feature them somewhere so Christmas is coming and so is my birthday so please let me be happy by Filling your requests ~!^^
Featured Sketch Of The Day:


Free Christmas Tree Icon by The-Fry-Bat
1.:bulletgreen: :iconfmaandygo5dsgirl:

2. :bulletred: :iconarachneadopts:

3. :bulletgreen: :iconmommy-of-ein:

4. :bulletred: :iconsternen-gaukler:

5. :bulletgreen: :iconsapphireangelbunny:

6. :bulletred::iconmistress-akito:

7. :bulletgreen: :iconlastiecchi:

8.  :bulletred:

9.  :bulletgreen:

10. :bulletred:

11. :bulletgreen:

12. :bulletred:

13. :bulletgreen:

14. :bulletred:

15. :bulletgreen:

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Kanadesonya's Profile Picture
Kanadesonya
Sonja
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
You Can Contact me From:
Facebook by orionsreverie(Lilith Athanasia Zeng) Yahoo Stamp by StampAG(Selcinthialemeine@yahoo.com)
Elsword:
Michelah (Code Electra) Asylune(Code Nemesis)
Junior girl in highschool.I am hoping to express my artwork and gain some artistic experience before I start to apply for my colleges.I aim to be a future game producer and work with graphics I hope to improve my artwork until then and hopefully by the time I apply for the colleges I want, I would be at a state where I can be proud to present my art.


My Awesome Notable PPL XD:
:iconnesuramisuzu: :iconunrealistic-dreamer:
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:iconfaeriewarrior:
FaerieWarrior Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the watch =3
Reply
:icontheera:
Theera Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
How's the commission? :3
Reply
:iconkanadesonya:
Kanadesonya Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
i'll upload it given within these few days.I may seen very dead these days but ive been working hard on my own story.And schools starting soon so I'll get it up by then.
Reply
:icontheera:
Theera Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yep!
Reply
:iconjomog369:
jomog369 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2015
Thank you for the fav, so here's a llama!
Reply
:iconilluminatedflower:
illuminatedflower Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav on the review! I hope it helped you choose the right program for future digital art!
Reply
:iconhibichan25:
hibichan25 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ja! a wild innuendo appear. . . . . nothing~ Ashleigh on Cactus Juice (Icon) Icon-hug-bell-and-hestia Chitoge Hugging Haru Icon 
Reply
:iconkenjisama:
Kenjisama Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday lady~
Reply
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